And then we started swinging

A typical couple in the lifestyle looks like this: Dated in high school. Married sometime during or just after college. Kids have grown and are or have left the nest. And then they start to discover each other again. Welcome to the lifestyle.

Our story is a little different.

I had an affair.

Yes, read that again. I had an affair with a man who would never replace my husband. He was a "safe" affair as he was only looking for physical entertainment. I told him on several occasions that I was happy to be cheating with a man who would never end up on my doorstep at midnight confessing his undying love for me. Honestly, that's why I pursued him. He was hot. He had an untethered life. He completely lacked the ability to emotionally connect with any other human being. He's kind of a narcissist. Not someone I want to spend my life with. Just someone I wanted to make me feel good about myself.

I was the female side of the typical lifestyle couple. Married right out of high school to my high school sweetheart. Fast forward 15 years from the day of my wedding. I was a mom of 3 (4 if you count the husband). My husband fucked everyone but me. I was a shell of a woman with zero fun life experience. I divorced the husband and very quickly found myself in complete and total actual real love with my soul mate. We got married after 3 years of dating and had a baby. Fast forward 2 more years. I am in my mid 30's. I am attractive. My husband and I focused on our kids and not ourselves. I have never had "fun" in my life. No casual dating. No one-night stands. No bar hopping. No hangovers. NONE of that young adult stuff.

And then a casual coffee stop led to a comment that was hot and completely stopped me in my tracks. As a side note, I am an auditory learner, so it would make sense that a man could take my breath away with a word. I turned and saw this David-like man standing there with a smirk on his face and I could not help myself. Husband?? What husband? I can't seem to remember having one of those.

Talk about me. Shake your head. Judge. All fine. I would be doing that, too.

Here's the thing. That very short, 3 month affair saved my marriage. Most marriages crumble after an affair because the communication wasn't there before the affair. And then the affair makes it even HARDER to be honest with your spouse in the ugly things. If you can't tell your spouse the same things you tell your best friend - your marriage is in trouble.

In the interest of keeping this first blog short and leaving you wanting more, I will close with this. The months following my "come clean" conversation with my husband were the months where I found the most growth in myself, in my husband, and in our marriage. We finally started being real with each other. We finally started communicating.

Next up: the rest of the story (in Paul Harvey's voice).

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