Wait, what? Oh, hell no.
Around the same time as all of this affair business was winding down, my husband made a new friend. From time to time, I work with a guy whom we shall call Caleb. Caleb and I chatted pretty frequently when we had the pleasure of working together. I kept telling him that he and my husband needed to meet. They were two peas in a pod. Finally, they did. And I was right, of course.
They spent some time having drinks and dinner. Boys nights. Once, I got a text message around 2:00 in the morning.... on a Tuesday, "I'm too drunk to Uber. Can you come and get me?" I show up to Caleb's house to find both men on the front porch, arms draped around each other's shoulders and Caleb planting a big, fat one on Mr. Cajun's cheek. This was the night Black Cow Vodka made its grand entrance into our lives.
No need to say, these two are a mess. And the bromance is strong.
Caleb is who told Mr. Cajun about the ins and outs of the lifestyle. He and his girlfriend, Bethany have been in the lifestyle for nearly two years. Mr. Cajun confided in Caleb the current hot mess express state of our marriage. Caleb told Mr. Cajun that he had a similar adult life story, but when he and his wife divorced, he went straight to the LS as a bull. He met his girl and they dated for a bit before re-entering as a couple. He told Mr. Cajun we had to get on some of the websites. That's the only way to meet people in our area. Caleb and Bethany are on Quiver and Kasidie. He also told us about Kik.
Mr. Cajun tells me one night, "We have a profile."
"Oh, eff." I think to myself. While I was very excited about the possibilities, I was nervous and not so happy he jumped without me.
"Oh really? Let's see!" I tell him.
He pulls out his phone and shows me a photo-less profile with a terrible name. Or, at least I think it is terrible. I mean, the name was kind of code for us. My paranoid self swore that if someone knew us, they would know that was us!!
Oh, well. It's done now.
We upload pictures and complete the description. We made sure we put the word, "discretion" in there at least 1,000 times. We would not want some careless mf'er to out us because they were unaware we had a "normal" life, too and needed this to be a secret. (this is dumb. Don't do this). We put ourselves as a soft-swap, same room couple. What went down in the MFM would not be the rules moving forward.
We set up a kik. Just one. This was a mistake. You'll see the plethora of mistakes we made in this blog. I'll expand on why you should each have a kik in the next blog about our first date.
We spend the next few days looking at profiles and making a list of "must meets." Here's a bit of info: when you are the new kid on the block on a swinger site, you get a shit ton of attention.
One of the first people that hit us up was a couple that was on our list of must meets. We were way excited. Mr. Cajun was chatting with the wife through the messaging on the site. They exchanged a few messages and he would read me what they wrote.
One night, I was tucking our daughter into bed and he came into her room with a big ass grin on his face. He looked like a kid in high school. "What's up?" I asked him. "She's messaging us again!"
The whole room turned green.
I have no idea why, but I was overcome with jealousy! We had never met this woman or her husband. I just did not like that he was so excited to be talking to another woman. I tried to hide my emotions, but he has never been one I could fake a face to. And since my affair, his "bullshit" meter was extra sensitive.
He was confused. The dimples and light in his face went away. "What?"
I told him we needed to put a pin in it and have tub time.
And since I am an Aries, and have zero patience, I told my daughter to hold tight so mommy could pee. I directed myself to the bathroom with my phone and deleted all of our profiles. Goodbye LS. I returned to her room, finished tucking her in and headed back to our room to pour a bath.
Mr. Cajun giggled when I told him what I had done. "Well, that's a couple hundred bucks we won't see again." I could not really come up with a reason that I got so jealous. I could only figure it was his excitement. I had not seen him excited in a while. He was hesitant to even consider the LS, much less sign up for it. And here he is acting like a teenager who just got a call from a crush!
I decided right then and there in the bathtub that the LS was not for us. We had some fun. We gained some education, but over my dead body was my husband getting excited to talk to another woman!!
Again, I am an Aries. Rash, impulsive, emotionally driven...… I usually come around to logic and reality after a bit of thinking. And that's what happened here.
I spent a week or two mulling around the incident with the wife. Was this a bad thing? Wasn't this what the LS was all about? Expanding and growing our marriage through interactions with other couples? I finally came to the conclusion that this was just me being self-centered and dumb. I am very generous. I love to give of my time, myself, things to others. I am, however, of the opinion that the world revolves around me form time to time. I am aware this is not the case. I am working to not think this way. But, it comes out every now and then.
I was all too excited about all of the attention I was getting. I was not keen on him getting attention. This. Is. Stupid. I have to share him in the same way he would have to share me. And just like I was not going anywhere because some one told me my ass was nice, neither was he.
A few deep breaths and I re-signed us up. New name this time. We originally picked MrandMrsJones. And then we found the We Gotta Thing podcasts and realized this name was already taken by some pretty amazing people. We have changed our name on a few sites. Others it is just too much of a pain, or it is not possible. Mr. and Mrs. Jones are a great resource. They even have swinger school. The link to their site is under my favorite things at the top of the blog.
Needless to say, I have grown quite a bit and now I freaking love when women compliment him. It turns me on. So, ladies I know it's hard to step out there. But if you are chatting up a guy, don't forget, they like their ego rubbed, too. Tell them what you like about them. They'll eat it up. And, if their wife is anything like me, you'll be complimenting her, as well. After all, she picked him!